Riviera Ratt’s Rules of River Running


  1. If you can swim, you don’t have to drown.
  2. If you can roll, you don’t have to swim.
  3. If you can brace, you don’t have to roll.
  4. If you can lean, you don’t have to brace.
  5. If you’re on the couch, you don’t have to lean.
Notes on the preceding:

1. Of course there are instances in which people who could swim have drowned in any case. Be careful out there. (If you need clarification of this point, maybe you should only be paddling your fraternity pledges, stupid.)

5. Have you ever experienced major gastric distress while watching TV? There are times when, even if you’re on the couch, you have to lean.

Click here to slink back into the Ratt Hole!