The P*nis Poem
(The
first
stanza of this poem is well over 50 years old; when I
first heard it, a
couple of years ago, it was ripe for an update, so I added
a second stanza.)
(Note: some net denizens, apparently without scruples, have
appropriated
this poem without attribution. While imitation is
said to
be the sincerest form of flattery, would it kill you to
say where you got
this? Plagiarism ain't cool, dude.)
My nookie days are over
My
pilot light is out
What used to be my sex appeal
Is
now my water spout
Time was when, on its own accord
From my
trousers it would spring
But
now
I've got a full-time job
To
find
the blasted thing
It
used
to be embarrassing
The
way
it would behave
For
every single morning
It
would stand and watch me shave
Now
as old age approaches
It
sure
gives me the blues
To
see it hang its little head
And
watch me tie my shoes
But hark! There might be
hope here.
A cure, it's in the news.
Ol' Henry will stand proud
again,
And end his hang-dog blues.
I can go and hit the clubs
once more,
I'm older, but no wiser,
'Cause I'll be thinking with
my Johnson,
And I owe it all to Pfizer.
Limericks
For the
math
whizzes (from a graffito on an MIT men's room stall)
Take
x, multiply it by two;
Times dx, now here's what you do:
Integrate it between
Limits ten and thirteen,
Solved it yet? Are you licked? Then you're through!
Not unlike Coors Lite
A gift only her parents could give her:
The thought of it just made her shiver.
What her folks had achieved,
Was that she’d been conceived,
In their favorite canoe, on the river.
Keith
There once was a young man named Keith,
A masochist, down
underneath.
It's
often been said,
When his
girls gave him head,
He'd say, "Don't be shy; use
your teeth!"
for RBB
There once was a man from Seattle,
And about his great love
life he'd prattle;
But the
women
were bored there,
For none
he had scored there,
You see: he had a preference
for
cattle.
Written 12/19/1998
The Congressman spoke up, so
hearty,
Saying, "Here's why we
impeach him, you smarty:
It's not
just
the Bummer,
Of the
Lies or the Hummer;
Most important, he's not of
our party!"
Lil Miss Beret
Sung by the Big Boffer
(also written in December, 1998)
Lil Miss Beret had
a trampy way
And her undie straps
Showin' Thongs -
A little head bob
'n' A little head job
Make a Prez do Wrong
Wrong Wrong
There ain't nuthin' in DC
Like she done to me
To make me Catch The Bug
Make me Lie Like a Rug
Make me give into my shame
Make me sorry I came
Like a cad - Oh, Baby,
that's-a what I like!
What's that, honey?
Pick you up at 8?
And ejaculate?
But......I don't want
NOOOO...
Mess on a Dress.
Huh? Hunh? Hunh!
Oh, Baby, you Know what
I Like!